You escaped.
Once again, you've escaped. No matter how hard I try, I'll never catch you or come close to you. You're just a figment of my imagination. Or I truly wish you were. Then it wouldn't hurt so bad. Knowing that your existence is a lie gets me to sleep at night. Unfortunately you are there and will forever be. As long as people put you on the pedestal, I will forever try my best to chase you; then drown in self pity if I don't get you.
It's like someone is pulling a knife out of my heart - only slowly. Really slow. And six years is a lot for someone to take. I can go on with my life and pretend the pain does not exist, but then it will kill me inside, bit by bit. So please end it all. Tell me how to end this vicious cycle. I'm tired and positivity has its limits.
I get headaches, sleepless nights and fake motivations thinking about you. Let me elaborate further on fake motivations: everyday I motivate myself that I will get you as long as I stick to it, as long as I work hard and smart. I was wrong. Dead wrong. It's bullshit. I'm just a talentless hack. Fat and overpaid. I believe that I am doing some nice work but I'm kidding myself. Most of them are all shit and are not even my work.
Yeah, I live vicariously with the help of people around me. Without them I wouldn't be here. What can I possibly bring on the table when I know that I'm not good enough. What the hell am I doing in a prestigious agency? I want to believe it is because of my work; but how is that possible when most of my work, or 70% of it, are done with a group. And in that group, it was one person that came up with the idea. I'm a fuckin leech.
I'm a sad excuse for an advertising man. I don't like being in this state; it reduces my capability to think straight and work right.
Sigh.
Usually I would say, "it's okey. let's try harder next time. guess it wasn't meant to be. i'm sure god has a plan," but this time I won't. It's all a lie. It's all bullshit. I hate my brain and I hate myself for being in this business for 6 years. Thinking and believing in myself that I can do great things.
Sorry guys. There's no happy ending in this post. Just pure contemplation of quitting this scene all together. If I've misled you in thinking that you can do it in advertising, please don't. I'm sure you are way fucking better than me.
My passion is running low.
Sigh.
It's like someone is pulling a knife out of my heart - only slowly. Really slow. And six years is a lot for someone to take. I can go on with my life and pretend the pain does not exist, but then it will kill me inside, bit by bit. So please end it all. Tell me how to end this vicious cycle. I'm tired and positivity has its limits.
I get headaches, sleepless nights and fake motivations thinking about you. Let me elaborate further on fake motivations: everyday I motivate myself that I will get you as long as I stick to it, as long as I work hard and smart. I was wrong. Dead wrong. It's bullshit. I'm just a talentless hack. Fat and overpaid. I believe that I am doing some nice work but I'm kidding myself. Most of them are all shit and are not even my work.
Yeah, I live vicariously with the help of people around me. Without them I wouldn't be here. What can I possibly bring on the table when I know that I'm not good enough. What the hell am I doing in a prestigious agency? I want to believe it is because of my work; but how is that possible when most of my work, or 70% of it, are done with a group. And in that group, it was one person that came up with the idea. I'm a fuckin leech.
I'm a sad excuse for an advertising man. I don't like being in this state; it reduces my capability to think straight and work right.
Sigh.
Usually I would say, "it's okey. let's try harder next time. guess it wasn't meant to be. i'm sure god has a plan," but this time I won't. It's all a lie. It's all bullshit. I hate my brain and I hate myself for being in this business for 6 years. Thinking and believing in myself that I can do great things.
Sorry guys. There's no happy ending in this post. Just pure contemplation of quitting this scene all together. If I've misled you in thinking that you can do it in advertising, please don't. I'm sure you are way fucking better than me.
My passion is running low.
Sigh.
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