I had a rock and roll dream.

I had a dream. I had a dream that I was rocking the stage with my rockband. From small to big venues, we had fans that were going hysterical. Men were jizzing in their pants and women were throwing their sweat-stained panties at us. Loud, blaring music filled the air as my guitarist shred sweet sounding solos that would even awaken the late Jimmy Hendrix, Kurt Cobain and Buddy Holly (weird). Then, my bassist would dazzle the crowds like the piper – flowing and dancing away to every key. And my drummer, my drummer would be playing it loud until heaven and hell decided to put more filter so none of the sounds will go through and make their inhabitants groove. Last but not least, I would be spitting venomous lyrics. Sharp yet witty that would even make Eminem like a 5-year old still trying to rap. Or put Chester Bennington to a crying shame. And when all of us came together, orgasm ensued. I had a dream that my band went on to perform the prestigious Rock The World concert. And each of us was going out with Malaysian supermodels. I dated Hannah Tan for a year then I broke up with her and went for Maya Karin. But it didn’t work so I went for Deborah Henry and at the same time, with Liyana Fizi. I didn’t settle but I went on to date some of the finest ladies in Malaysia. Needless to say, some of them never wanted anyone else after that. Such the life of a rockstar. I was collaborating with Bunkface, Altimet, M.Nasir, Faizal Tahir, Siti Nurhaliza, Joe Flizzow, Mizz Nina, Hujan, Azlan and the Typewriter and the list continued. Each collaboration was a success. It topped the chart. It made tons of money. Finally, my band and I were called to perform at Big Day Out in Australia. We were the opening act for Foo Fighters because Dave Grohl wanted us to tour with them. I said we’ll see because I don’t follow others. They follow my lead. It pissed Dave Grohl a bit, but he realized that he needed to take a chill pill. Suddenly, after Australia, Nine Inch Nails’ Trent Reznor called me up and asked me to join him at Rock Am Ring. Not only as a guest, but also one of the main lineups after Limp Bizkit, Deftones, Eminem, Snoop Dogg and Linkin Park. My band and I were stoked and we immediately flew to Germany. We met Lacuna Coil, Kidney Thieves and Evanesence. Amy Lee tried to get into my pants but she got more than that. Finally, after a magnificent show at Rock Am Ring, we partied with the bands. Drugs, drinks and sex were everywhere. Next morning was clear as day but the night before was nothing but a blur. Packets of condoms were around and Amy Lee was sleeping on my crotch. I bet she could sing better after this. Checked my phone and apparently we were invited to Japan for X-Japan. I had a dream that I had to turn that down because the band needed a much deserved break. So we flew back to Malaysia and took a year off while having a balance of RM15million in the bank account but we splitted it 5 ways. I had a dream that after a much needed rest, we were ready to release our sophomore album. Eventually we managed to get Rick Rubin to produce our next album and went and stayed at his personal home and recording studio in Arkansas. The next few months were excruciating as everyone learned new things. My guitarist have acquired the skill to play like Tom Morello and Joe Satriani and eventually created a hybrid sound. My bassist went to Quincy Jones and learned under him. And finally, my drummer went on a surfing tour with Jack Johnson and his band. I was dating Liyana Jasmay and she couldn’t get over the fact that she’s dating with one of the hottest vocalist/rockstar in Malaysia. She dumped Yusry KRU for me. As much as I liked Liyana, her fake innocence failed to impress me. So I dumped her. After a few months, we finally finished the album and let Rick does his magic. While waiting for the release, MTV Music Awards called us up for a performance. A special performance for Aerosmith. It was gonna be a tribute concert for them and we were chosen to be the opening act. We agreed because we loved Steven and his boys. It was an honour. Along the way, my band met up with Slipknot and we did a quick tour with them around the states. These guys were fucked up but they were nonetheless the coolest guys in the world. Who knew Cory, the awesome vocalist, loved poetry? After the tour, we went to meet up with the execs at RollingStones in New York, Madison Avenue. Apparently they wanted to do up an article about us and how the Asian sounds was rising at a meteoric rate – because of our doing. We agreed and got ourselves a nice looking picture for their cover. The magazine broke the record for the highest sales ever- right after The Beatles and Elvis Presley. We took the first flight back to Malaysia and prepared for the AIM awards and were expected to sweep all the awards for that night. But we didn’t care because we were doing what we loved best – rocking the shit out! Jin and Lazy Mutha Fuckas called me up for a quick collaboration in Hong Kong. Heck, we loved Chan Ho Nam,Chow Sing Chi and Jet Li, so we flew there straight without thinking. Jin was a cool character and even though he left the states to make it big in Hong Kong, we thought he was cool nonetheless. Our sophomore album released after a few months later and it got on the Billboard top 100 and stayed at no.1 for 2 months. It pissed off a couple of American bands and singers because we were a Malaysian rock outfit and shouldn’t be there in the first place. We made an appearance on Conan O’Brien and said that we are the biggest thing after Beatles and God. Ricky Gervais loved us and wanted to do a special sitcom so he can piss people off and make loads of money. People still loved us and we still rocked the stage. I had a dream indeed.

Ian, this one’s for you amigo.
(Sorry for the grammar mistakes and typos, guys. It's rock and roll after all).