A lost soul within the sea of romance

This is a story like no other story you ever heard off and it happened to me – a simple yet complicated young man with a focus and goals to achieve. And also has the tendency to digress the following story.

I have a problem. But what else is new? Everyone has their share of problem. The future running candidate as the president of America, Bouraq Hussien Obama, is getting crucified by the media, not by his capability of running for presidency, but because of his name. The flood in Malaysia, Johor Kota Tinggi, is not getting any better despite the effort that is being made by the government (and this is not a complaint). All pirated DVD’s and DVD games are now facing harsher and stricter punishment if its being distributed anywhere (except Amcorp Mall. Thank god). And Bush, well lets just say he’s always having problems despite his efforts to make it better.

My problem consists of a girl that I used to love from the past and she’s about to get married in four months time. The good news is that I think I’m already over her after 1 and a half years missing and recuperating. The bad news is that she still has feelings for me which is morally fucked up; since it’s considered as betrayal, lies and a sin towards the future husband (whom happens to be an Ustaz for JAKIM).

Three days ago I went visiting my old home in Seri Petaling, which is situated near Bukit Jalil. I haven’t visit this house for as long as I can remember hence I thought it would be nice to just clean it up and meet up some old school mates of mine; and when I say school mates, it is only 3 of them. Rizal, Razif and Tomer are considered to be a very well and dear friends of mine because I had a lot of history with them when I was in Sekolah Menengah (I warned you that I tend to digress). Anyways, all of us met up ( only Razif and Rizal) and hanged out at a convenient mamak shop and ran into two other old friends of mine, Surinder and Vasantha. These guys are probably the only people from Sekolah Menengah that I haven’t seen for 8 years! And here they are, at the specific mamak shop and at the time while Liverpool was kicking Chelsea’s ass by 2 nil.

It was a long talk between all 5 of us and finally we exchange numbers and parted our ways (and I’m sorry for digressing). One of my friends, Razif, decided to make a short trip to the house where the girl that I used to love stay because he’s a close friend of her too. We drove and arrived on her street and noticed a white Satria car in front of her house. We saw lights and the front door was open. Razif stopped and walked out of the car quickly and called out to her.

And there she was.

Juriana binti Joned or in short, Aju, walked out in front of her gate and greeted all of us while she asked Razif where I was until she caught a glimpse of me in the corner of her eye ; where I was standing it was quite dark so, it’s impossible for her to see me. We all went into her house and chatted all night long from 10pm till midnight. It was only small talks and so on and the big news of her about to get married – and I already knew this but I wanted to hear it from her mouth. During the whole time we all talked, there was attraction and there was energy between us ( me and Aju) based on Razif and Rizal’s covert observation when they noticed how she kept looking at me while I played around with her late pet kitten, Chimmy – an orange colored kitten that looked energetic and had a strong fond towards me.

After we all parted our ways, I thought that was the end of our meeting.

But cheeky fate had other plans for me.

The next day, I was doing my usual chores and cleaned up the house a little bit. Went out for a walk and looked thru some of the pictures when I was a kid, a punk, an infant. Until late evening, I receive an sms from her which shocked me and took me by surprise – Chimmy had passed away and I knew I had to see her, to calm her down.

That night I waited because she smsed me that she will come over to my house, and so I waited. And I wait and wait and waited until and hour passed. I decided to go over her house and smsed her that I was already at the front gate.

The moment she walked out, I can see she was all dressed to go to my place but there was a slight sadness in her facial expression. Suddenly, she broke down. And everything was out. From how depressed and sad she was about the passing of her kitten to how she’s not into the guy that she’s about to get married and how glad she was to see me after so long.

I didn’t fight it but I went along with it. I gave her advice and I ask her whether or not she should reconsider about this marriage; because a marriage without love is a marriage bound to be in trouble. A marriage is a sacred and a huge decision in life and it’s either you sink or you swim once you’re in it. We talked quite long in front of her house until finally she started to calm down and we decided to go for a drink.

And that night, was the only night where two souls could connect deeper and more meaningful despite of the ups and downs that these two souls went thru. It was enchanting.

The next day, I was about to leave to KL after an amazing 3 day visit. And I thought everything was over and done with until I received a message from Aju. And here is what is says:

“Yai, I knw da tings btwen us couldn’t work out nemore..n im certainly an idiot if I said I dun wnt u..but I guess my time runs out ha..hehe..my mistake..Neway,just wanna let u knw dat, even if thr is noway in tis life dat I could done tis 2 u in reality..i hope u could imagine it in fantasy, dat evry mrning when u woke up, u’ll get my kiss b4 u start ur journey everyday. N I hope it’ll bring smile 2 u”

*the sms just now is and been left it its original form. No grammar and spell check has been done for the sake of the true form of the message and its essence.
Btw I forgot to mention one thing about the day before. She told me she loved me last time when she started to grow feelings for me. And I felt it’s fair if I told her how I feel about her last time. Here it is (also in its truest form).

“Aju, when I had feelings for you, I knew you were going to be the one because of 5 things. One, if I married you, I knew my brothers were gonna like you because you know them. Two, I would be the happiest man in the world if I waked up next to you. And going home seeing you again is as if I could fall in love over and over. Three, I know I can trust you and leave you my most treasured will for whatever it is for. Four, in case of emergency, I would put your name. And last but not least five, when you’re sick or when you’re old or if you puked on the floor, I would clean it up, take care of you and put you to sleep even thought my health is deteriorating.”

But that was all in the past. So I’m back as a lost soul, swimming in a sea of romance, hoping for someone might save me from drowning.